I HATE YOU

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You hate yourself so very loud and boisterous. You loath the things that are unique to you. "sorry I am loud", "sorry my teeth are a bit uneven", "sorry I walk on a rhythm and not straight", sorry it takes me more time to understand the lingo" "I am annoying ", "I talk too much" "did I offend you,  I am sorry" "that doesn't make sense, sorry" "just ignore me" "sorry that I am just being me" sorry, sorry, sorry. You want to beat everyone else to the punch so much that you turn yourself into the punching bag, you become your favorite toy to chew the head off like some sort of a hell hound. If you hate yourself first, if you curse yourself the loudest, no one will get a chance to do it. It's a defence mechanism or self sabotage, who knows. You clap your hands over your ears, hide behind saccharine smiles and sarcasm and relegating comments so that no other words reach you. If you make yourself the worst, there won't be any competition to begin with. You live on a tower guarded by your deafening loathing for yourself, where no one else's hard and harsh intentions and cruelty can permeate. 

That's the deal though. A deal you made to not hear their love, to not experience the goodness this doomed world and timeless time posses in its core. You choose to scream your hate over it.

How far is it worth it?!

Signing off,

A


Comments

  1. MknayakkJuly 6, 2022 at 1:16 AM

    U juz wrote...... awesome.....n yes it's kinda emotion which is nowadays my substitute....sometimes , i juz can't ignore my bucket which is full of noisy and loudy feelings ....yes I do get frustrate n freak out...
    N i don't know how to deal with the hates of myself n other's... sometimes i juz have to use the smoke n mirrors trick.

    ReplyDelete

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