I HATE YOU
You hate yourself so very loud and boisterous. You loath the things that are unique to you. "sorry I am loud", "sorry my teeth are a bit uneven", "sorry I walk on a rhythm and not straight", sorry it takes me more time to understand the lingo" "I am annoying ", "I talk too much" "did I offend you, I am sorry" "that doesn't make sense, sorry" "just ignore me" "sorry that I am just being me" sorry, sorry, sorry. You want to beat everyone else to the punch so much that you turn yourself into the punching bag, you become your favorite toy to chew the head off like some sort of a hell hound. If you hate yourself first, if you curse yourself the loudest, no one will get a chance to do it. It's a defence mechanism or self sabotage, who knows. You clap your hands over your ears, hide behind saccharine smiles and sarcasm and relegating comments so that no other words reach you. If...