White Rainebow

travelling /ˈtravəlɪŋ/ adjective going or being transported from place to place Years ago a friend of my sister told me conversationally that traveling doesn't have to be expensive, fancy or like those travel shows or movies.  It can be as mundane as going to the park or just a stroll around the neighborhood or a little trek to a new place, anything that fills your lungs with fresh air for them to rejuvenate every single one of your cell and motivates your mind to go on a little further into the unknown.  It's a life skill of sorts, to travel alone, to have the guts to do it. It not only exhilarates you from the cocoon of your childhood but also fills you with experience and perspective. You cannot comprehend the confidence, insight and awareness the everyday monotony of people and tedious stories of places can give you in your life until you see it for yourself. A journey changes you in the most beautiful ways, into your higher self because it changes the entire ...

When you don't have results to validate your hard work, it gets hard to even believe that it was hard work. We are conditioned to believe that hardwork is the only work that makes you lucky and pays you your due. But how far is that really true? When you fail even your hardwork or all nighters don't mean worth shit. People look at someone with success as if they are the beacon of hope, all their lesuires turn into hard work, their faults into quirks. Sometimes all due to a moment of dumb luck. But when you hold no good result you are nothing, even your hardwork is fickle, all your value is diminished to your moment of vulnerability. I remember Mr. Shah Rukh Khan saying," First get rich, then become a philosopher." This applies to a spectrum of courses your life might take and not just finance. When you have marks you can say that you did not study and played around but people will believe it. When you have friends or just people to vouch for you, you...

You hate yourself so very loud and boisterous. You loath the things that are unique to you. "sorry I am loud", "sorry my teeth are a bit uneven", "sorry I walk on a rhythm and not straight", sorry it takes me more time to understand the lingo" "I am annoying ", "I talk too much" "did I offend you,  I am sorry" "that doesn't make sense, sorry" "just ignore me" "sorry that I am just being me" sorry, sorry, sorry. You want to beat everyone else to the punch so much that you turn yourself into the punching bag, you become your favorite toy to chew the head off like some sort of a hell hound. If you hate yourself first, if you curse yourself the loudest, no one will get a chance to do it. It's a defence mechanism or self sabotage, who knows. You clap your hands over your ears, hide behind saccharine smiles and sarcasm and relegating comments so that no other words reach you. If...

 You remember the time when you saw a certain situation or some people reacting to it in a certain way and thought that you'll do things differently? That when it's your turn to play grown up you would do it differently? Do you remember thinking that you would never be like some people because of how much you hate that narrative?  Once, you're seventeen and you know what you want. You have all your plans laid out in front of you, written on fine paper in aristocratic script just waiting to be lived. You know that you're going to have your dream job and live in your dream house and be proud of yourself. Just like those coming of age movies. You know it all.  Then you're suddenly 21 and you have no idea what is going where, you see everything falling flat, you feel like a drowning fish. Like an Ariel who walked on earth but forgot how to swim. All your plans are just pretty letters. You are stuck in assignments and self doubt. You don't even know what ...

"Lifetimes in strange directions When hello can mean goodbye, I have seen you before, but not yet We'll meet again, again." Do you also have days when you day dream a reality so vividly that you can no longer  differentiate between the dream and the original reality?  Days, when you sit on the platform waiting for a train you have always known as yours?  When you also feel like it has passed as you sat there lost in your head? Like you understand the concept of time a little too much and you shouldn't have at all?  When your whole life you're soaked in pain and sadness it all seems like a war that you fight to continue against the free fall. You fight so valiantly just looking for mundane validations from people who shouldn't even matter but they do and you fight.  Maybe a loosing war.  You feel so lost, so gone, so unmotivated to even move. I have read a quote somewhere, "Every corpse on Everest was once a very motivated person". Didn...

They hurt you on mundane days, coloring it with the color of resentment and heaving tears, days that were supposed to go unnoticed are now marked with red ink to be remembered and noticed for probably more than decades. Then on their good days they say good things, show their trust in your ability as a human being with a properly functioning cerebral cortex, they tell how dynamic and brilliant you are, how they see that you'll go far beyond imagination but they never imagine that far beyond, they never actually see it. That however honest, seem like a statement made in a good mood that is clouded and overshadowed by everything they're feeling good about. It's not for you, it's all them. Even when they're your best friends, mothers and fathers, sisters and loves they're also every bit of human as you are. They'll of course be happy when you have reached your goals or you're happier and better, but they'll also always have a bit of a dark corner in t...