We Are The Demons

They hurt you on mundane days, coloring it with the color of resentment and heaving tears, days that were supposed to go unnoticed are now marked with red ink to be remembered and noticed for probably more than decades. Then on their good days they say good things, show their trust in your ability as a human being with a properly functioning cerebral cortex, they tell how dynamic and brilliant you are, how they see that you'll go far beyond imagination but they never imagine that far beyond, they never actually see it. That however honest, seem like a statement made in a good mood that is clouded and overshadowed by everything they're feeling good about. It's not for you, it's all them.

Even when they're your best friends, mothers and fathers, sisters and loves they're also every bit of human as you are. They'll of course be happy when you have reached your goals or you're happier and better, but they'll also always have a bit of a dark corner in their hugs and smiles where they retreat back on alone evenings and busy afternoons thinking about everything that is wrong with them, all the missed opportunities and all the smiles they lost along the way and all the celebrations they could have had. It's necessarily not bad. It's just humans being their nature first and their second skin later.

We don't have demons, we are the demons. There aren't two distinct Robin and batman, it's just one. One in the shade of other, one in the side of other, one just the color of other. Good days we know who to choose but on bad ones they choose us. It's just our nature, it's not good or bad. It's just textbook real.

Don't beat yourself up over this or anyone. I understand that it's easier said than done but I think it's worth a shot. 

Signing off, 

A.