Hello, goodbye.

"Lifetimes in strange directions

When hello can mean goodbye,

I have seen you before, but not yet

We'll meet again, again."

Do you also have days when you day dream a reality so vividly that you can no longer  differentiate between the dream and the original reality? 

Days, when you sit on the platform waiting for a train you have always known as yours? 

When you also feel like it has passed as you sat there lost in your head?

Like you understand the concept of time a little too much and you shouldn't have at all? 

When your whole life you're soaked in pain and sadness it all seems like a war that you fight to continue against the free fall. You fight so valiantly just looking for mundane validations from people who shouldn't even matter but they do and you fight. 

Maybe a loosing war. 

You feel so lost, so gone, so unmotivated to even move. I have read a quote somewhere, "Every corpse on Everest was once a very motivated person". Didn't we all start so motivated and pumped up like all it takes for the world to be a better place is 'us'. Like we're the compiled blessing for all the questions and prayers ever raised. A intricately formulated plan for world domination. Our world domination. And yet you still sit on that platform, waiting on a train you think has passed you. 

Like everything you dream to have is just a sleight of hand. Stunned you gaze into nothingness as if some cosmic intervention would show you the lined stars. 

A moment of epiphany that you would rather evade and fly through the gravity of your blissful ignorance. 

Let me tell you something subversive, no matter what, this feeling of anxiety or passed time would always inhabit a small quiet place in you despite any circumstance or situation. This feeling is resultant of your fantasies and efforts and it's a good thing. Your stubborn dream has left a piece of itself in you when your destiny collided and there, they'll always subtly remain. 

Probably it's that place called "What if". Don't we all look back at the now prosaic moments of our lives and think that maybe we could have done something differently and that would have made where we are now, a better place?  

Do you? 

The point is, no matter how satisfying our present time is, we would always think that it could have been better if we had something we have wanted but couldn't have. It's our best case scenario and we are never going to let it go. We can't, to be honest. 

The cycle of "what if" or is it the infinity symbol? 

Whatever it is, it's eternal even when we are transient. And maybe that train you thought to be yours hasn't yet arrived because you are not meant to be on that train. Maybe you're at the wrong place. So why shouldn't you pick up your baggage and just hitch a ride to the airport because that is how you will move through the frozen moments to restore the balance? Since time is non linear, what's the point grieving for the living? 

Let the noise deafen you before you can bask in your solitude, wreck the furniture as you dance, be a glitch in the matrix because there is nothing called record time. 

It's the easiest, hackneyed goddamned thing to tell someone, the same record of talking in metaphors and unrealistic quotations that sounds good and never stops but also never happens, it's so easy isn't it? 

Hypocrisy is something that comes naturally to all of us because we rarely know anything so we confuse in the plan of convince.

But even in this little fairytale the one thing that is both fantasy and reality is the fact that you always have a choice. Sometimes they're as different as sun and the moon but sometimes they're just stars.

The sun is also a star. *wink*

P.S. There is nothing in this world that will never happen. Never say never.